Friday, February 11, 2011

*What Not to Wear*: some do's and some don'ts.

Chris loves the top I wore today. He picked it out. We were a Kohl's because I needed something to wear, last minute, for an event at school. We were pressed for time so we employed a divide and conquer tactical approach at the sale rack. When we regrouped Chris began to extol the merits of this garment- " It fits under the chest, emphasizing your narrowest part...and this ruching here provides fullness which spreads out to disguise your tummy." As soon as he'd said the words Chris looked at me wide eyed and bewildered as if he'd just noticed he'd been speaking in tongues- "I cannot believe that just came out of my mouth," he laughed. I'd recently been working on a project where I was watching several episodes of TLC's What Not to Wear a day, searching for instances where Stacy and Clinton told the makeover participants that they would be become better people if they dressed better. Chris had apparently absorbed some of the "rules."

Stacey and Clinton would approve of the top, but not the jeans.

He was right. The top seems to be pretty much exactly what the shows hosts would recommend for someone with my shape. It does flatter my chest and fall nicely over my stomach. I know that they would take issue with my skinny jeans, however. They always advocate for a straight or slight boot cut for women with wider hips and thighs. I understand their logic about balancing out the leg and all- but I kind of don't mind looking like I have a big ass. I feel that I look a bit dated in boot cut jeans.

Worn with a jacket from Anthropologie.

And while they would approve of the idea of this jacket they wouldn't be impressed by the fact that I can't button it. Well, to be honest- it is physically possible- I tried it when I was getting dressed this morning, but when buttoned it looks as if the top button might at any moment launch itself, weaponized projectile style, across the room. I don't think that's quite what they mean when they say- "Locked and loaded."

Would boot cut jeans balance my butt better?
So what if I like my trunk a little "junky."

I got this crown ring years ago during my semester in Florence. It has four colored stones (red, blue, green and white) and four crystals. I like the way it looks, but it's not the most comfortable ring to wear so I don't wear it often.  When I was in Florence as a student we were warned several times that if we purchased anything we must be absolutely certain to get a receipt that showed that we had paid the required sales tax. Apparently, at least at that time, there were special sales tax police who could demand to see your receipt and you could get in BIG TROUBLE if you could not produce a receipt on demand. I don't know if I ever knew the exact nature of this trouble but I don't remember it now. This ring was the only thing I bought while I was there for which a shopkeeper didn't give me a receipt. I was too scared to demand a receipt and then terrified of being apprehended by the special police. Nothing at all happened.

I'm normally not a fan of white top stitching on shoes, or on anything, really. But somehow it gives these red flats a summery, nautical feel that I appreciate. I bought these at Goodwill last year and I love them, except for the fact that their black rubber soles leave black scuff marks on my kitchen floor and I always forget this until I see the floor covered with black marks that I have to clean.

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