Will I ever stop wishing I was Audrey Hepburn?

The answer, of course, is NO. Things might go a bit easier for me if I could let this piece of wishful thinking go. I was thinking of her when I bought these pants, when I should have been thinking of my own, generously proportioned, thighs. It was my thighs I was supposed to be regarding in the dressing room mirror when I decided to buy these, but somehow images of Funny Face become superimposed over my reflection.

In my defense, these pants have a number of things to recommend them. They aren't black, for one. They're actually a dark hunter green. I've been wishing there were more colored pants around. I know there's this whole brightly colored pants trend afoot right now, but that's not what I'm after. I don't need fire engine red pants, mustard yellow slacks, or electric blue jeans. It seems to me that pants in nice, deep, dark colors ought to be as flattering and easy to wear as black pants, without the yawn factor. I'm thinking about a rich, nautical navy (not the navy, which is so indistinguishable from black that you have to hold the fabric an inch from your nose to tell the difference, so why bother really, that you can find in the stores,) a dark plummy purple, a forest green, even a very, very dark burgundy. Surely pants in these colors would provide all the slimming and lump camouflaging effects of black pants with out being so deadly dull! But pants like these are nowhere to be found. These green skinnies seemed like a step in the right direction.

Another point in their favor is that they are, actually, pants. They have a zipper and a waistband. They are not leggings. I was hoping these pants would function like leggings, but with a bit of a retro vibe (ala Miss Hepburn.)

In spite of all they have going for them the pants aren't a success for me. The problem is one of balance. The narrow legs don't help at all to balance my bulky upper body. I know it looks okay in the pictures here- I picked those pictures. I'm including a wide ass shot too, so you can see what I'm complaining about. I'm not making the photo any bigger though. I have my pride.